Tuesday, September 11, 2007

A Tiring Week of Tireless Slot Promotions

Yep, the freebies just keep on coming, but boy, will they cost ya! Adding up my free slot play promotions from Red Rock, Rampart and Binion's I figure I have over $150 in free slot play for the month of September with a few free buffets thrown in as well.

And lest I forget, Red Rock (and all the other Stations Casinos) is giving away all sorts of useful/ useless crap such as Lint Brushes, condiment sets, and the infamous "as seen on TV" Magic Choppers. Oh man, I'm gonna clean up this month!

If you detect a hint of sarcasm, you are a perceptive reader. I have barely cracked the surface of my complimentary riches, and already I've lost in the range of $300 - $400 dollars this month. But, I'm not one to quit while I'm behind -- I'm fixin' to lose my ass -- and you might as well join me for the slow descent into comp hell.

Last Thursday I took the bait, and answered Station's invitation to $40 in free play on their new "Guaranteed Play" poker machines. They are pushing these machines hard, and after their invite I understand why. You lose your money (or in this case their money) plain and simple.

My group of invited guests met in Red Rock's Cherry nightclub for refreshments (Pepsi products, water, and chocolate chip cookies) and an informative video. I was interested in checking out Cherry, and was surprised by how small and unimpressive it was. I'm not one to cruise the Vegas "Ultralounges" and Night Clubs, so I can't really tell you how Cherry stacks up. The coolest part of it is the entrance, a vagina-like tunnel, and oh crap! I forget to check out the restrooms -- I hear the Ultralounges tend to get extra creative in there. The main (only) room is round and dark with private booths along the wall and a bar in the middle and a dance floor, like I said, pretty standard and boring from my vantage point. I've noticed that Red Rock is stationing minidress clad young ladies near the Grand Cafe to hand out free passes to good looking people on the weekends. So dress up and get into Cherry for free, if that's your thing. I'm certain you'll pay dearly for the drinks, but you might save money in the long run, considering you won't be gambling.

The video was pretty funny, as the two hosts were quite a pair -- a cheery Asian young lady, and a goofy as hell guy, I mean really goofy and overacting -- took us through the paces.

It's simple really, you buy bulk hands at max play -- I think I got something like 100 quarter max plays of "Jacks or Better" for $20. Sounds like a pretty good deal, huh? Well, read on . . . You start out even with your hand counter, but not to worry as you descend into negative numbers, as those don't count -- sort of -- because to walk away with any money, you will have to crawl out of your hole into the black. If you end in the red, you still walk away, and you don't owe the house your negative figures. If you walk away with games left, those are forfeited.

Makes perfect sense, huh? Yeah, I really didn't get it either, except for the analogy that it's like buying your poker hands at Costco.

But now for the object lesson! We all get to go play the machines. The Red Rock folks actually put real twenty dollar bills into the machines for us, we chose our games and the race was on! Because I'm not a video poker player, and I chose the most hands (Jacks or Better) I was there for quite a while. I never really got far into the black, and my play was slow compared to the other folks who zipped through their twenties, and were presented with another twenty. I finally got through my first twenty while the Red Rock employees stood around rather annoyed with us slow-pokes, and got my second twenty to play with. I chose less hands and different games this time, although I can't remember what it was. Bottom line is I didn't win, and I didn't see anyone else win either.

But wait there's more -- we all got free "Station Casino Guaranteed Play" T-shirts for our trouble. All in all, a really lame way to introduce these machines . . . noone seemed very happy with the experience.

Of course, the whole silly event did get me in the casino, and I proceeded to lose over $100. In that sense for Stations it was "mission accomplished."

More free play that cost me dearly.

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